Since my youngest went off to college, people are always asking me about the empty nest. Having the kids out of the house is fine/sad/different, but having people talk about this stage of my life as the "empty nest" is driving me crazy. My nest is not empty. I’m still in it (and so is my spouse, and the dog, and the fish, but I would argue that nests with one parent in them are not empty either). Parents are not nothing. My children are a big part of my life, but they do not define me.
Empty nest is such a negative term, but my experience of this stage of my life is much more complex. I am in a new stage of life that I call being a post-launch parent. Each parent’s experience of this stage could be different, which is why we need a more neutral term.
So don’t ask me about the empty nest, but I am happy to tell you what it is like for me to be a post-launch parent. Each time after they leave I feel depressed and miss them terribly, but after that acute good-bye phase, I kinda like it. I can focus on my partner and my work (not at the same time); I’m excited to see my kids grow and learn and have new experiences; I sleep better—no more waking up in the middle of the night to check if they are home (yes, I realize they could be out all night on the other side of the country, but that doesn’t keep me awake at night). My life as a post-launch parent is full of work, love, volunteer commitments, friends, family, an activity I generously call jogging, cooking, reading, and lots of time planning the next time I will see/talk to/send a care package to my kids.
Empty nest is such a negative term, but my experience of this stage of my life is much more complex. I am in a new stage of life that I call being a post-launch parent. Each parent’s experience of this stage could be different, which is why we need a more neutral term.
So don’t ask me about the empty nest, but I am happy to tell you what it is like for me to be a post-launch parent. Each time after they leave I feel depressed and miss them terribly, but after that acute good-bye phase, I kinda like it. I can focus on my partner and my work (not at the same time); I’m excited to see my kids grow and learn and have new experiences; I sleep better—no more waking up in the middle of the night to check if they are home (yes, I realize they could be out all night on the other side of the country, but that doesn’t keep me awake at night). My life as a post-launch parent is full of work, love, volunteer commitments, friends, family, an activity I generously call jogging, cooking, reading, and lots of time planning the next time I will see/talk to/send a care package to my kids.
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